Everything was fine until that one day when everything changed in my life …

It was in the year 2014 , I completed my 8^th and my vacations were going on . All of a sudden my father comes to me one evening and says me that “Harsha , Its time for us to leave Dubai  and get settled in Mangalore  as I lost my job now due to the conflicts in the company amongst the partnership”. I was upset and I wasn’t willing to leave the place where I almost grew up , my entire childhood . It was hard for me to believe that Im in such a state now where Im supposed to leave .  

On May 29^th  2014 , one last time I went around and saw my house , one last time I met my friends , my neighbours and family- friends  . I was in my cousin brother’s car sitting at the backseat with the teary eyes not uttering a single word heading towards Dubai International Airport . Soon after I reached there with my cousin , I see my parents waiting for me to arrive so that we could proceed with the custom duties procedure . The last time I turned back saying my brother that , “ I really don’t want to go , please take me back . I am telling you .. I cannot handle this .” But somehow my cousin made me understand that its all a part of life and I would be much more happier in the new place . All the checking was done . I was waiting for the boarding pass and all of a sudden I started feeling upset even more . After a while when the flight took off  , I was seated  near the window seat looking out side .. as the flight went up higher I began to cry more . But somehow I managed to calm myself down . To be honest though Mangalore is my hometown but I never wanted to get settled here . I usually visited Mangalore during my vacations only . But this was a huge step for me to get settled here as I wasn’t familiar with the regional language (Kannada) here . For a minute it was like someone just picked me up and threw me in some barren land . Soon after I was settled in Mangalore, for my highschool I joined in NITK (National Institute Of Technology Karnataka )  English Medium High School .

From here it turned all worse.

On daily basis I used to be ragged and bullied by my own classmates and my certain teachers . I couldn’t handle it , I tried making new friends but unfortunately I couldn’t make .  Everyday I came home and cried for going back Dubai but I somehow had to stay . I started remaining silent and went on tolerating every single pain that I went through .  Day by day I was been troubled by others due to which my academics was dropped . I became dull and I fell weak , due to which I went in “DEPRESSION” and started getting anxious .I got suicidal thoughts and also I lost hopes in almost everything that I did . 9^th and 10^th two years there. I somehow managed to survive and I was able to pass and leave that school but during that journey of two years of harsh sufferings .. I changed as person from an ambivert to complete introvert . Certain fears arised . That still has deep scars in my mind and soul for which even today I cannot forget it . I have gone to several counseling and all they could just tell me to move on or give me steroids . Everytime I met new people , I always got scared and I still fear even today . I was not like this before but this one incident just changed my life upside and down . Even today im struggling with depression inspite of having so many fears and a really bad past . When others would tell that their school life was the best , I am the only one who says my school life was worst . This indeed changed everything .

Like me there are many other people who had or is having a tough time where they are in depression . Im a depression sufferer . And today I write blogs and motivate myself and help others who are suffering through this .It is not that easy as you think to move on with life ,it takes times to heal maybe years to heal . When people say that depression is nothing it does effect a depressed person because depression is actually a disorder  , where a person faces sadness , feeling down  , having lost of intrest in their daily activities , excess of sleeping or decrease of sleeping , feeling  worthlessness or guilt , loss of energy , impaired ability to think , be creative or concentrate and also take decisions, recurrent thoughts of death or sucide or suicidal attempts all these are the signs of depression  . Its causes are not fully understood as it is complex combination of factors  mainly caused due to genetics, environmental , biological ,psychological and social .  According to the World Health Organization (WHO), depression is the most common illness worldwide and the leading cause of disability. They estimate that 350 million people are affected by depression, globally.  Not everyone who is depressed experiences every symptoms . Some people experience only a few symptoms while others may experience many . Depression can happen at any age, but often begins in adulthood.  According To National Insitute Of Mental Health research “Depression is now recognized as occurring in children and adolescents, although it sometimes presents with more prominent irritability than low mood. Many chronic mood and anxiety disorders in adults begin as high levels of anxiety in children.”  

Depression is usually treated with medications and psychotherapy or both  it’s the same as I mentioned in my case I was given steroids and also counseling . If these two doesn’t reduce the symptoms , then ECT ( Electroconvulsive therapy) and other brain stimulations therapy maybe option . When it comes to anti – depressant medications ( in the form of medicines) It is dangerous because , A person when depressed , he or she may consume it but later on will also get addicted to those medicines as it only reduces the stress or anger to a certain extent but not completely cured . With reference to my incident , I was been given the medication but unfortunately it turned out to be more addictive for me which was dangerous and so I had to discontinue the medical course .

Medicines or therapy’s may cure but most importantly , if you have any of your close ones  or if you see any person who are suffering through depression , just stay true to that person because you may or may not know with what difficulties is that person going through or gone through . Be kind and helpful when you are with them . At times a depressed person is  in need of a helpful soul because they come to a point where they have given up everything and now are screaming deep down inside wearing the mask of happiness as if nothing happened to them . A person in some cases successfully come out through depression when they are surrounded by true people who constantly be there no matter what , which makes them motivated and eventually they gain back hopes of living and trust me it works . Never allow them to isolate themselves  but include them in whatever activity you do . try to understand them and listen to them when they speak . . Im a depressed person thou Im still struggling to come out of it but I m also helping others who are going through the same phase of depression but different levels  .

With this I will end with a quote by saying that

“ I know it is not that easy to live a life like this but stay strong and eventually things will work out better because God has planned the best for you . And always remember experiences are the best teachers and they make you even more stronger ." - Harsha H Amin ( The Harshanator Quotes)